Sex on 27th is Blush’s newest column, dealing with all matters of the bedroom. From sexual wellness to bondage, Beauty Editor and columnist, Julia Suarez, is here to get real and answer all of your most ~burning~ questions.
Even in my worst, messiest, non-relationship-relationships, I was dying to give everything a label. A booty call, a one night stand, a friend with benefits (ahem, acquaintances with benefits), a sugar daddy—you name it. What was born from the uncertainties about the fidelity and sincerity of the person I was seeing, was this inherent need to give what we were a title.
Flash forward to today, where I’m far happier, seeing someone that is a stark contrast from previous dates. He’s great and very lovely to me in so many ways (hey babe!) and we aren’t technically boyfriend-girlfriend. *shock*
We met in an unconventional way (that’s another story) back in November 2018, and started talking again when he sent me Instagram videos in Brazil in March. We met up again in April for that oh-so-lovely booty call, though it didn’t feel like one. We caught up, laughed about how we met, and, quite frankly, the conversation was… nice? I wasn’t used to this, especially when I was over someone’s place one thing, and one thing only.
But this time was different. I felt so at ease with him that, by the summer, I was staying over at his place every week. I didn’t even realize how often until one of my friends remarked, “Really? You’re at his again?” (Admittedly, as I’m writing this, I’ve been staying at his for the past five days.)
We went from seeing each other occasionally, to seeing each other every week and talking everyday with the unspoken knowledge that we’re exclusive.
We’ve taken two trips together, he’s met my friends, and we bought each other Christmas gifts—including an engraved necklace vibrator that says, “babygirl” that made me cry.
Some might say we’re “official”. We do a lot of things that a boyfriend and girlfriend would do. We’ve taken two trips together, he’s met my friends, and we bought each other Christmas gifts—including an engraved necklace vibrator that says, “babygirl” that made me cry. When I was in the middle of a finals week-induced breakdown at 4am, wondering if I should just quit my job and my internship, leave New York, and start my life over as one of those van travel influencers Instagram, he was the one that was there for me, calming me and reassuring me until I felt better. What would’ve been seen as “crazy” behavior and resulted in a block or a ghost from so many others, was met with pure understanding and kindness from him.
But we don’t do “normal” relationship things, or haven’t done them in the “normal” order, at least. We just started holding hands, we haven’t met each other’s parents (which we have no intention of doing anytime soon), and, perhaps most ~shockingly~ of all: we definitely don’t call each other boyfriend and girlfriend.
So, what are we? I’m not sure I know, to be honest. And I’m ok with that—a revelation that would’ve made 2019 Julia cry from the anxiety and uncertainties of it all.
Unsurprisingly, our situation is hard for a lot of my friends to digest.
“Why don’t you just ask him what you are?”
“Would you be ok if he started asked to see other people? You stopped seeing so-and-so for him.”
“Friends don’t have sex with each other exclusively and let the other stay at their place for days.”
“…So you guys are dating.”
My reply is always a simple, “I’m just seeing him.” Shouldn’t that be enough? Why can’t I see someone and let things happen naturally, and in the way that I feel most comfortable?
I guess if you needed to label our relationship something, it’d be a situationship. But even that’s an oxymoron.
The situationship has a reputation for being risky, filled with unpredictability, usually ending in heartbreak. But I know better. I know that we aren’t playing around, that we aren’t going anywhere. We respect each other, we’ve seen each others’ most authentic selves. So why should I put pressure on my relationship, try and mold it to an outdated concept simply because our society says so?
A label may mean something, but it’s never everything.
Announcing to the world that you two are “A Thing” is hard. (Announcing it to yourself is hard enough.) It can put a lot of pressure on anyone or any relationship, so, for me, it’s best to go with the flow. And, If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s never to try fit someone else’s version of “you”. A label may mean something, but it’s never everything.
I just know that I haven’t felt this happy in a very, very long time. And I don’t want to be called someone’s girlfriend just because that’s what’s expected. Maybe to others I’m a commitment-phobe. Maybe they think that we’re just in a long-term hookup. But I know that this is a real relationship, one unbounded by outside pressures, and one that I am thankful for everyday. Whatever this is, it’s working. We’re happy. I am his person and he is my person. And that is enough for me.