Love on 27th: When is it time to have sex?

Artwork by Hanna Postova via Unsplash.com

When is it time to have sex?

The blanket truth is, whenever you want and feel comfortable!

There are two ways to look at this question: when is it time to have sex the first time, or when is it time in a relationship to take the next step in intimacy? The two ways of looking at this don’t necessarily need to be mutually exclusive.

I lost my virginity when I was nearly 21 years old, and trust me, I’m planing to write about why I waited and what happened.

However, today I’m focusing more on those who already have done the deed and are just deciding whether they want to take that next step with their new partner.
When talking about sex and wanting to have sex, it’s not necessarily a bad idea to understand your true motives. If it’s genuinely to have sex and achieve orgasm, go for it. Though (for my ladies), you’ll probably have more luck with your vibrator.

If it’s to deepen your relationship with a potential partner, well, maybe not getting to bed will do the trick. Hear me out; I’m no prude, but the guys that have stuck around the longest and have tried establishing a relationship with me are the ones I didn’t kiss on the first date, and some I haven’t even gotten to second base with, even after a year.

I hate to say this, but for most straight guys, dating is like a game. The easier it is to win, the less interesting it is to level up. Not necessarily my words, but echos from former lovers and current friends. Of course, this doesn’t mean everybody, but it seems to be a large majority.

Also, this philosophy goes both ways.

In my friend group, I embody a bit of a relationship coach persona. It’s ironic since I feel the most single, but for whatever reason, most of my friends come to me for dating advice.

One friend, who hadn’t had the most spectacular luck in dating, actually took my words to heart and got a fruitful result. They had a string of hookups with no meaningful¬†connections, and then they met this guy and immediately felt that “spark.” They called me, all excited and saying they really liked this guy and truly desired a relationship. I told her to wait for at least five to ten dates before sleeping together. I know that sounds like a lot, but it’s roughly a month and a half if you do the math.

I suggested going on coffee dates, lunch dates, mainly spending time during the day. This way, there’s a less likely chance of “finding” yourself at the other person’s flat, and you both get an opportunity to spend legitimate time learning about one another and building a rapport.

I mean, for me at least, sex with someone I have a genuine connection based on tangible common interests is hotter and more fun than with someone I simply find attractive and know nothing.

Three months later, she and this guy are dating. He even told her that her making him wait made his curiosity for her grow, and he became attached to her being rather than just her body.

When it’s time to have sex is entirely up to the comfort of both consenting parties, but if you do decide to wait, maybe you’ll be able to discern more clearly the yes’ from the noes.

With love,

Alice