Love on 27th Street: We Need Not Be Amenable

A Note from the Director:  Love on 27th Street is a spin off of our recent column “Sex on 27th Street”. A change in writers of the column has inspired us to expand it to more than just sex, and into love and relationships between lovers, family, friends, etc. Alice Sungurov is our new column writer for Love of 27th Street. Alice will be writing to you on Saturday mornings. 

 

Original Photo by Alice Sungurov. Graphics done by Annie Burcea

 

What does it mean to be “amenable?” 

I’ve had this word swirling in my head for the past few days, questioning whether or not I, as a person, am strong and confident or amenable. According to Oxford, it means a person is open and responsive to suggestions, easily persuaded, or controlled. It means being ready to agree or yield, similar to being submissive. 

I’ve always considered myself a loud person: one who speaks their mind, who isn’t afraid to express how they feel. However, as it turns out, that is not always the case. 

Unfortunately, this week I had a falling out with a close friend. Amid the words exchanged, my character was being judged, not for its content but a skewed perception of reality. This friend was unkind and harsh with their words and actions, not understandable for anything that I had done. 

And in that discussion, I yielded myself and sent a lengthy apology for what was a non-issue. 

Now, you may be wondering why I am questioning myself for doing that, but it’s the reason I did it that upsets me. Why did I apologize and entertain this person’s nonsensical actions?

Because, for me, I internally feared not being liked and not being seen as good enough. I sacrificed my pride and my dignity to ensure this person would accept me. When I was being dismissed, and my feelings were hurt, I chose the path of apologizing.

It was immediately afterward that I regretted sending that and had a moment of bitter clarity; that in my life, I often bend myself and my beliefs to make sure that everyone likes me- that I am “approved” by everyone.

Now, I’m not saying it would’ve been better for me to start fighting with this person and create more drama; however, I could’ve slowed myself down, and instead of writing a lengthy text message to a person who didn’t care much for me, I could’ve said, “I hear you.” 

The truth is that not everyone will like you, and you, nor I,  need everyone to like us. That’s why we choose our friends and create the support system we have. 

You need to like yourself. And I need to enjoy myself. And if someone doesn’t like you or care much for you, that’s okay. It’s their journey to figure out how they can like themselves more. 

Thank you for reading,

Alice

 

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