Learning to love yourself while being single can be extremely difficult, and being alone on Valentine’s Day often doesn’t help. It can be painful to see so many couples during this month of love, as being single can often lead to questioning one’s self-worth. Despite the adversity that comes with being single, these feelings of self-hatred are only a product of societal pressure and standards. By setting yourself free of societies’ demands, and showing yourself the care you deserve, learning to be okay with yourself while single will come much easier.
First and foremost, nothing is wrong with you if you aren’t in a relationship. As someone who has struggled with dating this past year, I completely understand feeling as if your romantic status dictates your self-worth. Being in a relationship can add another aspect of love into your life, but not being in a relationship doesn’t take away from your ability to be loved. It can definitely be troubling if you feel like you’ve talked to everyone on dating apps and are still single, but you should be picky with who gets access to you, preserve your energy! It’s a good sign if finding someone to be in a relationship with is challenging, as a relationship with someone else is a unique, special connection. I like to remind myself that we are completely blind to the future, and we never know who’s going to come into our lives. Just think of all the people you’ve met who you never anticipated getting close to, you don’t even know how good it will be when you find the right person.
Another thing to keep in mind is that sometimes we don’t truly want a relationship, but society makes women feel like they need male validation to be valued, which can make us feel like we have to be involved with a man. From the time we are young, gender roles are pushed on us, creating the feeling that unless we are admired by a man, we don’t matter. This is absolutely false, and being alone can actually help us unlearn the need for validation, as we have to look inside ourselves for self-love. When I got out of a two-year relationship, I struggled with only having myself to turn to when I felt like I needed reassurance of my beauty and worth. This can be really hard, but realizing that you are the only person who is permanent in your life can push you towards a journey of self-love. Focusing on self-growth can definitely help with this aspect of being single, and there are many ways to practice.
February is the perfect time to show yourself love, as the days are cold and dreary, and there is an overload of Valentines’ Day. Embrace being alone, and partake in some self-care activities. Some of my favorite acts of self-care are trying a new workout class or sitting down to read a self-help book. Doing something beneficial for my future self allows me to feel productive and grateful that I have the alone time to do so. You can also use the alone time you have to grow your personal relationship with yourself, and take yourself on dates! There is no shame in taking yourself out to dinner or going on a solo shopping trip. Making use of your single time to do the things that make you happy will distract your mind from wandering to a place of loneliness, and will make being alone enjoyable. I personally like to create Pinterest mood boards or keep saved Instagram folders to give me inspiration for what to do when I have some time to myself, that way I can keep my downtime just as exciting as it would be if I was in a relationship.
Another way to spend alone time and celebrate being single is with your friends. When I don’t have a date on Valentines’ Day, I make sure to do a “Galentine’s Day” with my other single friends to celebrate our friendship. You can be surrounded by love, even if it isn’t romantic or from a significant other. Platonic love is different, but it’s as important and can be very healing when feeling the negatives of being single.
Learning to be okay with yourself outside of a romantic relationship is a very hard thing to do, but there are a lot of little steps you can take to make the journey to individual self-love easier. Taking the time to show yourself and the people around you acts of service and love will bring joy into your life, creating a foundation for self-love. It may be cheesy, but words are energy, so make sure to say daily self-love affirmations, because it will only bring positivity into your single life. Don’t feel guilty about preserving your peace and being picky with who you give your energy to, and just remember, Valentine’s is just one day! Being alone doesn’t make you less of a person, and it sure doesn’t make you less loveable. Eventually, you will find somebody who is worthy of you, but for now, embrace your alone time and make the best out of it.